Problems grow

How problems grow until they can’t be fixed

I am often astonished about the type of problems people have.

Maybe you have noticed that too. They often don’t even have “real” problems like not enough money, or their relationship is falling apart. No, it’s navel gazing to the nth degree.

Everything that happens to them needs to be scrutinized into the tiniest atomic particle.

From there they have to find a reason why life or they are like this.

Whenever I see this happening, I’m wondering: Why do you need your life to be this strenuous and complicated? Would it not be easier to just accept what is happening and move on?

People love to complain.

Complaining is for them a source of communication. This is how they connect with others. It’s easy to find a common enemy and there is always something wrong.

If the sun is shining, it’s too hot. Or too dry.

If it’s raining, that is wrong too. Because now it’s too cold and too wet.

Whatever happens in life, it cannot just be the way it is.

The more they complain about the problem and feed it, the more the problem grows. Like we say in Germany: they turn a mosquito into an elephant. And when you turned it into an elephant it’s now so big you find it impossible to do something about it.

When you live like this, you are adding a lot of unnecessary stress to your life.

My approach to living is very different.

Everything is just the way it is. I don’t have to judge it. I don’t have to make sense of it, or make it fit into a box. It just is, it exists. And that is fine with me.

It’s not like you will never hear me complain about anything. I do vent, I absolutely do.

I complain about:

  • Overly demanding clients without respect for boundaries
  • Co-workers throwing me under the bus
  • Me not getting enough done
  • or the apartment looking a mess
  • or my weight not being where I want it to be

These are my 5 topics. The rest doesn’t affect me at all.

When I wrote this down and realized I only have 5 areas I complain about it was a huge awakening. Should it not be possible for me to change that?

Here is what a problem does:

It shows you an area of your life you are not happy with. You know there is room for improvement.

The question is: What do you want this to look like? Which steps can you take to make sure it looks like you want it to?

If you have read last week’s newsletter, you will see a pattern here.

It always comes down to taking action in some form.

So next time you find yourself complaining, start with acknowledging that this is a pain area for you.

Then move on to ask yourself: What action can I take to change this? And then it comes down to choice. Am I willing to take these actions?

If yes, great.

If not, you need to accept that this area of your life will stay the same. And if that is your choice, you need to stop complaining about it.

The funny thing is, when the complaining falls away, the whole problem returns back to it’s original size.

Suddenly you see it for what it really is. And when you do, you realize that these actions you need to take are not unsurmountable either. It just is another project on your list you can tackle when you feel like it.

Are you ready to give up your problems now and get rid of all the stress that came with them?

xo, Yvonne

🖊️ This week’s publications

Getting too much done leads to burnout — and recovery takes a long time

📖 Currently reading

“The whale at the end of the world” by John Ironmonger

Guess what, there is a pandemic and millions are dying. Sounds familiar?

This book was written long before 2020 and resurfaced. It tells the story of Joe Haak, a data analyst working in an investment bank in London. He designs a computer program that can predict any possible outcome to worldwide scenarios. When the flu hits he seeks refuge in a tiny coastal village. 

The book shows what happens when disasters hit us. As we have witnessed ourselves, we don’t turn easily against each other. We stand united and help each other out. Reading this book will give you hope that everything can be handled, and will turn out ok.

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